The Boy with Empty Mason Jars

There was nothing out there;

          sky, street, trees.

I looked further

and there was a you

slipping away from a me

to greet me –

a place that existed

only in the furthest

reaches of sleep

and frailty

          and goodbye

where the sunlight

feels colder

the desperation

greater

than winter’s

chilling embrace.

The girl I love

in the front seat

behind the wheel –

my heart

lost

somewhere in my throat forever.

She looks at me

with eyes that long

for something more;

some thing

I’ve never had.

Something she needs to find

on her own.

And then maybe –

          I hoped –

you’d find me

in the other realm

in the other sky

above the blue

above you;

in the other

that I acquired

before you awoke

from the sadness.

I’m the storm

in front of you

you want to chase.

You’re the storm

in front of me

that gets away;

a supercell swirling

in the swaying hail.

And I wish

you could feel me

here;

the suffocating drops

of longing

I can’t keep

from spilling out

of every pore

to my name.

And though that ever-present

shimmer in your eyes

is blinding

there is a sickening past

and a future uncertain

you’re just not willing

to let go of –

to envision –

just yet.

And so these stars

will extinguish

the sun

on this

the coldest day

on earth.

You’ll bury me

in the backyard;

you want to bury me

in your grave –

in the ashes

of a heaven obscure.

Somehow, you’ve been

deflecting all the love

I’ve been throwing

in effervescent cyclones

towards your unseeing eyes.

Your love –

          still forming

cumulonimbus massacres

in spotty crashes –

an unsubstantial rain

and a drought

that has plagued

my aching claws.

I’m losing my strength

while my will remains

bitterly intact;

please touch down –

Juliet Oscar Romeo Delta Alpha November –

on the runway

before the snow

returns…

and so love

is synonymous

with scary dreams

that end

beforethe end.