Weekly Movie Review: Ready or Not (2019)

Truly “killer” flick; nice pun ya?

Seriously though: old mansion, rich devil worshippers, great plot and backstory sprinkled throughout as the movie goes along.  The devil in this one, Mr. LeBail (clever anagram for Belial, Hebrew’s OG King of Evil) needs a sacrifice before dawn or this wealthy family is fucked.

The cast is phenomenal. The dude from the OC (Daniel) provided some brilliant sarcasm and dry humor that lightened the movie up wonderfully. Great mix of humor and horror here.

I love that we see the deterioration of the protagonist’s wedding dress the more the movie goes along, symbolizing the deterioration of her less than day old marriage. In addition, she uses parts of her dress as a deadly weapon. What begins as a dazzling white dress is nothing but blackened and bloody rags by the film’s conclusion.

Kills are gruesome and sometimes silly, but overall well done. Film took on a slightly Purge-like feel, but meh, hard to be 100% original these days. At least it’s not another fucking superhero garbage remake.

8.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: No One Lives (2012)

The “generous” rating I bestowed upon this film was due to the fact that, like the title implies, no one lives. And kudos to our anti-hero for saying the title of the film in the film. The writing was not good. The actors were not good. But the kills were cute and the one-liners were cringy. Plus we get some boobage.

3/10

Weekly Movie Review: The Irishman (2019)

*I don’t usually review non-horror, but this movie is worth a review.

Definitely a Scorsese film, no doubt. It’s a well-shot movie with a lot of great camera work. We get perfect backstory, but Scorsese doesn’t spell everything out for you; typical M.O., there’s always a little mystery and confusion, but that helps keep the viewer entranced and locked in.

Could it have been shorter? Maybe cap it at 3 hours? Definitely. Should it have been? Eh, probably not. It’s easy to get lost in the story, the connections, the glory of mob life. But it’s always tragic to see that the luxurious lifestyle and power never lasts forever.

By the end of the film, we see our protagonist stripped down to nothing - a bare bones and lonely man with nothing left. It’s a film about choices, loyalty, family, and internal conflict.

Obviously, it’s gonna draw a lot of similarities to Goodfellas, but I think it stands on its own and is worthy of its own place in cinema without having to be compared or held up to it in any regard. As for what happened to Hoffa, that’s for you to decide.

9/10

Weekly Movie Review: Sadako vs. Kayako (2016)

Had some obvious reservations going into the movie, and while I had fun watching it, I don't remember feeling genuinely scared, except for maybe a part or two here and there. Certain deaths were cool, Kayako (Grudge) was horrifying, and the little grudge boy was creepy as hell. Interesting concept and had some potential, but a flawed execution and strange story-line made this not my most favorite horror movie.

5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Dr. Sleep (2019)

Very conflicted over this one. The first 30-45 minutes, I was entranced: the camera work was FLAWLESS. The start of the movie begins with an extreme long shot and same intro music as the original Shining film. The camera work throughout continued to be amazing - lots of cool transitions and extreme long shots, especially during car scenes. The movement and panning was masterful. There was a plethora of references to the original movie as well, but they didn’t beat you over the head with them - alas, no Nicholson in the flesh here, but his presence is in all the alcohol Danny struggles with throughout the film. On its hinges, it’s a film about addiction and facing your past.

Unfortunately, as is typical of King film adaptations, the movie takes multiple hard left turns, but never gets it right. The majority of the meat of the plot turns into some sort of weird vampire film and a battle of good shines against bad shines. And while I admire the original Shining immensely - I was fearful that this adaptation would be a shot-for-shot remake or over-reliance on the original - I wanted some more of what made the original so compelling: the Overlook. We get a glimmer of it towards the very end of the film, and I feel that some of the most gripping moments occurred here. Good job for this film that it can stand alone, but it stands alone almost too much.

Great metaphorical allusions to addiction, mental health, and specifically, existentialism; a great line by Danny during a conversation with a dying hospice patient: “The world is one big hospice with fresh air.” Unfortunately, the moments of good writing were few and far between, and while it’s a fun enough movie to watch, it didn’t really unsettle me psychologically as The Shining did. But hey, it wasn’t the worst piece of crap I’ve ever seen and it certainly could have done worse, especially considering you’re talking iconic/legendary horror preceding it.

6.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Eli (2019)

Decent flick. I like the story, plus the twist towards the end was unexpected. Plot at times lacked execution, writing was kind of dull, and its just difficult to take a setting that's been done to death and try to make it fresh. Still enjoyed it overall though.

6/10

Weekly Movie Review: Orphan (2009)

Somehow never got around to watching this until recently. Very cool flick. Of course this was part of the era where that actress from Insidious and The Conjuring was in every horror movie, but she did a great job here as the recovering alcoholic mom. Kid who played Esther (the Orphan) was phenomenally evil and devious. Plot was gripping, film was well shot, and kills were BRUTAL. I dig it.

7.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: ZombieLand (2009)

Great flick; had a bit of every major genre throughout - some drama, obviously horror, comedy, suspense, and romance. I don’t like Eisenberg, but I can’t really see anyone else playing this part as well as he did: a nerdy, befuddled, introvert. Harrelson on was awesome as gun slinging Tallahassee. Breslin did a good job as the kid who had to grow up too fast. Emma Stone is smoking hot and plays the tough bad chick beautifully. It’s a fun movie and had some great depth despite being another friggin zombie movie with comedic undertones. It did it well.

7/10

Weekly Movie Review: Haunt (2019)

This movie somehow flew under my radar, but man, glad I caught it. Really well done. Hard to take an old trope and make it fresh but we have a haunted house movie meets Saw that’s really made well. Scares weren’t cheap and jumpy, and deaths were inventive. Loved the antagonists in this film. Insanely creepy. Lots of twists and unexpected turns. Its good fun this flick.

7.5/10