Weekly Movie Review: Parasite (2019)

Damn. That’s some crazy shit there. Without giving too much away, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. The camera work and cinematography are incredible - lots of nontraditional shots (slant angles, slow pans, overheads, etc.) that work well and add to the progression of the story without being cheesy.

Man, seems like a cute comedy with some sorta dark elements that just explodes into a creepy suspense film. You’re certainly not bored at all while watching this film and it does a good job of sustaining that momentum from start to finish. There’s a particular scene during a rain storm/flood where the juxtaposition of different scenes is so seamlessly well done, I almost crapped myself.

Lots of beautiful allusions to class structure, material wealth, envy, and the search for happiness. Sick movie.

9/10

Weekly Movie Review: The Lighthouse (2019)

Beating a dead horse here, but the cinematography is fucking stunning. Holy shit. On a personal note, I liked this way better than The VVitch. But that's not saying much. Eggers creates a superbly creepy island and does well to drive home that creepiness. The constant blaring of the foghorn throughout the entirety of the film, the hallucinations, the masturbation, the lunacy, etc. all works together to create and sustain this dystopia.

Unfortunately, Eggers relies too heavily on metaphor, mythology, and abstraction to drive his points home, making the viewer do more work than necessary for entertainment purposes. What some see as masterful directing, I took as lazy; I don't want to do your work for you, Eggers. I'll happily do some, but not the heavy-lifting.

That's not to say that I didn't find the movie enjoyable. As the credits rolled, I kind of had a "huh, that was weird" initial reaction, but as I digested it a bit more, I saw shreds of clever artistry and more really wonderful camera work, despite not having much to work with on a small, bleak, island.

One thing I found particularly interesting is the evolution of Pattinson's accent as the film goes on. At the start when he's not saying much, it's more on par with Dafoe's, but less pronounced. As the film wears on, and Pattinson starts slipping further into lunacy, it starts becoming more Bostonian, ever so gradually until it's full BAHWS-TAHN.

It's a creepy, cool, refreshing film, but eh, not my favorite.

6/10

Weekly Movie Review: A Ghost Story (2017)

Very conflicted with this one; on the one hand, it’s shot so beautifully and the way sounds/music and camera work mesh to create suspense and sadness is brilliant. On the other hand, i feel that this film could’ve been made to be under an hour, easy. There are a lot of scenes that i personally feel go on for way too long. Sometimes it works, but a lot of times i felt that it was unnecessary. I get we’re supposed to feel like the ghost with the passing of time and whatnot, but meh, i get it, i don’t need to be bludgeoned over the head with it.

There’s also some pseudo-philosophical shit I don’t care for going on as the film progresses, but it’s not incredibly off-putting. “We’re all gonna die, life is pointless, etc. Nietzsche stuff.” Cute, but unnecessary. I’m more interested in the sadness and loneliness of the now fractured relationship.

All in all, it’s definitely worth one watch-through - some really gut-wrenching and heartbreaking scenes, not overly sentimental but still very emotionally charged. I probably wouldn’t watch it again, but I did enjoy it overall.

6/10

Weekly Movie Review: Errementari - The Blacksmith and the Devil (2017)

This movie had been on my radar for some time and I’m glad I finally pulled the trigger on watching it. It was such a pleasant and whimsical surprise.

Firstly, I don’t know if I would classify this as horror; probably more of dark-fantasy/folklore. But man, everything from the casting, to the music, to the storyline, setting, makeup, and costuming was well thought-out and wonderfully crafted.

I highly recommend watching with the Basque language and just having english subtitles as the language is a major factor in really drawing you into the story: it’s so unusual, like a cross between Spanish, Portuguese, and French. It’s lovely.

There are some silly moments, especially those involving chickpeas (???), and a couple chuckle worthy/goofy elements, but I don’t feel that they detract from the film, more so, I feel they help enhance it and keep that whimsy alive throughout.

Damn good flick, highly entertaining, only wish we get to see a final battle in Hell.

7.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Ma (2019)

Kind of split with this film. On the one hand, I enjoyed the idea of this film: lonely middle-aged woman trying to regain a lost sense of youth. I like the unfolding of her backstory and why she became what she did. I also loved Diana Silver's performance. She's breathtaking.

There was a decent level of creepiness, but multiple times, execution seemed sloppy and lazy. Lots of things that happened didn't seem to make sense, mainly why the moronic kids kept going back to Ma's house after establishing she is a lunatic. Big plot-hole.

Ending was also super anticlimactic and seemingly thrown together. It's entertaining enough and a fun watch regardless, but probably not worthy of repeat viewings.

5.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Black Christmas (1974)

The original Slasher film that inspired the likes of Halloween and Friday the 13th, it’s groundbreaking and horrifying and just as creepy 45 years later. Jess, our final girl (which became a widely used horror trope) played beautifully by Olivia Hussey (oh my god, she’s so freaking gorgeous) has a lot of shit on her plate, especially from her overbearing boyfriend Peter. To make matters worse, she’s being terrorized by our lunatic killer who keeps prank calling the house, saying disgusting things and torturing people on the other end of the line. What Jess doesn’t know is that the killer is inside the house, and is picking off her sorority friends one by one.

The last 20 minutes are gripping and captivating as we see what unfolds for Jess, her boyfriend, and the insane killer. It’s a classic, and incredibly original from virtually every standpoint.

8/10

Weekly Movie Review: Ready or Not (2019)

Truly “killer” flick; nice pun ya?

Seriously though: old mansion, rich devil worshippers, great plot and backstory sprinkled throughout as the movie goes along.  The devil in this one, Mr. LeBail (clever anagram for Belial, Hebrew’s OG King of Evil) needs a sacrifice before dawn or this wealthy family is fucked.

The cast is phenomenal. The dude from the OC (Daniel) provided some brilliant sarcasm and dry humor that lightened the movie up wonderfully. Great mix of humor and horror here.

I love that we see the deterioration of the protagonist’s wedding dress the more the movie goes along, symbolizing the deterioration of her less than day old marriage. In addition, she uses parts of her dress as a deadly weapon. What begins as a dazzling white dress is nothing but blackened and bloody rags by the film’s conclusion.

Kills are gruesome and sometimes silly, but overall well done. Film took on a slightly Purge-like feel, but meh, hard to be 100% original these days. At least it’s not another fucking superhero garbage remake.

8.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: No One Lives (2012)

The “generous” rating I bestowed upon this film was due to the fact that, like the title implies, no one lives. And kudos to our anti-hero for saying the title of the film in the film. The writing was not good. The actors were not good. But the kills were cute and the one-liners were cringy. Plus we get some boobage.

3/10

Weekly Movie Review: The Irishman (2019)

*I don’t usually review non-horror, but this movie is worth a review.

Definitely a Scorsese film, no doubt. It’s a well-shot movie with a lot of great camera work. We get perfect backstory, but Scorsese doesn’t spell everything out for you; typical M.O., there’s always a little mystery and confusion, but that helps keep the viewer entranced and locked in.

Could it have been shorter? Maybe cap it at 3 hours? Definitely. Should it have been? Eh, probably not. It’s easy to get lost in the story, the connections, the glory of mob life. But it’s always tragic to see that the luxurious lifestyle and power never lasts forever.

By the end of the film, we see our protagonist stripped down to nothing - a bare bones and lonely man with nothing left. It’s a film about choices, loyalty, family, and internal conflict.

Obviously, it’s gonna draw a lot of similarities to Goodfellas, but I think it stands on its own and is worthy of its own place in cinema without having to be compared or held up to it in any regard. As for what happened to Hoffa, that’s for you to decide.

9/10

Weekly Movie Review: Sadako vs. Kayako (2016)

Had some obvious reservations going into the movie, and while I had fun watching it, I don't remember feeling genuinely scared, except for maybe a part or two here and there. Certain deaths were cool, Kayako (Grudge) was horrifying, and the little grudge boy was creepy as hell. Interesting concept and had some potential, but a flawed execution and strange story-line made this not my most favorite horror movie.

5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Dr. Sleep (2019)

Very conflicted over this one. The first 30-45 minutes, I was entranced: the camera work was FLAWLESS. The start of the movie begins with an extreme long shot and same intro music as the original Shining film. The camera work throughout continued to be amazing - lots of cool transitions and extreme long shots, especially during car scenes. The movement and panning was masterful. There was a plethora of references to the original movie as well, but they didn’t beat you over the head with them - alas, no Nicholson in the flesh here, but his presence is in all the alcohol Danny struggles with throughout the film. On its hinges, it’s a film about addiction and facing your past.

Unfortunately, as is typical of King film adaptations, the movie takes multiple hard left turns, but never gets it right. The majority of the meat of the plot turns into some sort of weird vampire film and a battle of good shines against bad shines. And while I admire the original Shining immensely - I was fearful that this adaptation would be a shot-for-shot remake or over-reliance on the original - I wanted some more of what made the original so compelling: the Overlook. We get a glimmer of it towards the very end of the film, and I feel that some of the most gripping moments occurred here. Good job for this film that it can stand alone, but it stands alone almost too much.

Great metaphorical allusions to addiction, mental health, and specifically, existentialism; a great line by Danny during a conversation with a dying hospice patient: “The world is one big hospice with fresh air.” Unfortunately, the moments of good writing were few and far between, and while it’s a fun enough movie to watch, it didn’t really unsettle me psychologically as The Shining did. But hey, it wasn’t the worst piece of crap I’ve ever seen and it certainly could have done worse, especially considering you’re talking iconic/legendary horror preceding it.

6.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Eli (2019)

Decent flick. I like the story, plus the twist towards the end was unexpected. Plot at times lacked execution, writing was kind of dull, and its just difficult to take a setting that's been done to death and try to make it fresh. Still enjoyed it overall though.

6/10

Weekly Movie Review: Orphan (2009)

Somehow never got around to watching this until recently. Very cool flick. Of course this was part of the era where that actress from Insidious and The Conjuring was in every horror movie, but she did a great job here as the recovering alcoholic mom. Kid who played Esther (the Orphan) was phenomenally evil and devious. Plot was gripping, film was well shot, and kills were BRUTAL. I dig it.

7.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: ZombieLand (2009)

Great flick; had a bit of every major genre throughout - some drama, obviously horror, comedy, suspense, and romance. I don’t like Eisenberg, but I can’t really see anyone else playing this part as well as he did: a nerdy, befuddled, introvert. Harrelson on was awesome as gun slinging Tallahassee. Breslin did a good job as the kid who had to grow up too fast. Emma Stone is smoking hot and plays the tough bad chick beautifully. It’s a fun movie and had some great depth despite being another friggin zombie movie with comedic undertones. It did it well.

7/10

Weekly Movie Review: Haunt (2019)

This movie somehow flew under my radar, but man, glad I caught it. Really well done. Hard to take an old trope and make it fresh but we have a haunted house movie meets Saw that’s really made well. Scares weren’t cheap and jumpy, and deaths were inventive. Loved the antagonists in this film. Insanely creepy. Lots of twists and unexpected turns. Its good fun this flick.

7.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Joker (2019)

Preface: no spoilers here.

I can see why this film was so divisive. A lot of people saw the DC label and thought it was gonna be that run of the mill bullshit that both Marvel and DC have been putting out: Action packed, explosions, no plot, shallow characters with shallow lines, trite and cliche garbage. This film was the antithesis that I feel that genre of films so desperately needed.

Many people are inclined to believe that this is strictly a film about mental health awareness/a person suffering from mental illness, and while I adamantly believe that there is still a massive stigma towards mental illness and those suffering, it would be doing this film a disservice to lump it one-dimensionally into that regard. Yes, it is partly a commentary on the lack of funding and accessibility to mental health services, but it is so much more than that.

This film is incredibly dark, visceral, gruesome, and gut-wrenching. And not just in a violent way, though that is part of it. It is a much needed prequel to how this character came to be - a deep-dive into the human psyche that is complete with all the sadness and struggle and pain and heartache that comes with a troubled existence. Phoenix does a masterful job at really capturing the essence of this character from multiple dimensions. And while I’m not going into a comparison of Phoenix’s rendition vs Ledger’s, I do feel that as a whole human character, Phoenix grasped the role in an all-encompassing fashion that was relatable from an everyday, human being standpoint as opposed to just a looney supervillain.

Phoenix’s rendition had depth and substance and heartbreak and soul and brought me to tears. For my money, it’s one of the better acting performances I have seen in my lifetime, and despite his extraordinary repertoire, this is right up there with his role in The Master. While some may argue that acting “crazy” is an easy thing to do, it’s not as easy to show the restraint and perform without it being over the top as Phoenix is able to do. This is where Joaquin shines, striking that balance and walking the tightrope between sane and insane with delicate aplomb. It’s all the horrible things that he does and yet you wonder why you’re still rooting for and championing him.

I highly recommend this film. It’s shot beautifully and cast perfectly. Joaquin Phoenix deserves an Oscar, hands down. This film is incredibly hard to watch and even more difficult to digest. It sticks with you after the credits roll and while you’re lying in bed. This is cinema at its finest.

9.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Child's Play (2019)

Had my serious doubts about this remake. But it was surprisingly decent. The film went in a current and modern direction with the popularity of Alexa and other voice-activated AI shit that people seem to be all about. Some really cool and gruesome death scenes with a plot that was actually intriguing and flowed well. Cast was really excellent top to bottom, especially the main kid. Doll was creepy and funny and weird but in a way that was different from the 80s version. It wasn’t a straight remake which I particularly found refreshing. Worth a watch.

7/10

Weekly Movie Review: The Dead Don't Die (2019)

Fucked up, weird movie. Wouldn’t really expect anything less from Jarmusch, though. He’s getting a bit less subtle in his old age. Score was very much reminiscent of his Dead Man film, with a heavy reverb, eerie western-ish guitar. Dark comedic at times, typical deadpan delivery from virtually all the cast members throughout the film with lines that are Jarmusch-heavy in their awkwardness/monotony and general strangeness. It’s a weird one alright. Not as scary as I would’ve liked, but meta enough and good commentary on how we’re becoming a world of zombies, though could’ve been stated more subtly.

6.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: IT Chapter 2 (2019)

If you’re gonna watch IT Chapter 2, get cozy cause it’s 3 hours long. It had some more Pennywise, which was nice cause he was kind of absent in the first movie, at least from a dialogue standpoint and I think that’s one of the strongest parts of these films. So good job of making more one on one dialogue happen. But yeah, definitely too long. They could’ve gotten that movie done in 2 hours or less, easy. I also didn’t care for the main character essentially playing Stephen King, jabbing at his friends and audience for his notoriously bad endings. Without any spoilers, this ending is no different. Flashbacks to childhood were cool, but slightly overused. Scares were kind of silly and one-dimensional (lots of loud, bassy booms, chasing, and almost cartoony kind of animations), and not as scary as the awesome old lady trailer made it out to be. Go watch it on discount day and keep your expectations low; the cast is at least enjoyable and works cohesively.

5.5/10

Weekly Movie Review: Eerie (2018)

Wasn’t sure what to expect from this, but man, I really enjoyed it. Turns a lot of the expected horror clichés and tropes upside down. It is shot beautifully; the director’s eye for creepiness and imagery is wonderful. The music is sparse but well placed and definitely creepy. Mirrors and reflection are used heavily but not in the way we’ve come to expect from the horror genre which was refreshing. And the rule of three’s goes out the window with this one. Slightly predictable ending, though not entirely. This is a solid flick.

7.5/10